Episode 28: Self Love Isn't Selfish
We don’t care if you’re single, in a good relationship, bad relationship, happily married, or going through a divorce - the most important relationship is the one you have with YOURSELF. In this episode, Elizabeth and Mazie have a conversation about the importance of self-love and why YOU are the most important person in your life.
1:20 - Love Yourself Like Mazie Loves Herself
Mazie has a very special gift that she has strengthened over time - self love. She is one of the most confident and light-filled people we know, and it has such a positive impact on the people around her. She wrote a blog post about your relationship with you, and you can read our blog post companion piece about Self-Love here.
3:48 - It’s Not Weird To Say Nice Things About Yourself
You. Are. Amazing. You aren’t cocky or egotistical if you think you’re great. You have PERMISSION to think you’re great and let the world know. You are allowed to accept compliments without defending yourself against them. Just say thank you! If you internalize this 100 percent, it will also impact the people around you and teach them to be kinder to themselves as well.
Give yourself permission to love yourself. By example, you are actually teaching others to love themselves too.
7:43 - You’re Cute When You’re Confident
Mazie used to be a group leader for some 12 and 14 year olds. She used to tell them that they are always as cute as they are confident. A lot of times we don’t give ourselves permission to love ourselves, because if we are loving and accepting of our present selves, we won’t feel the need to grow and get better.
9:47 - Love Where You’re At, Love Where You Will Be
It makes sense that if you are battling with something you don’t like about yourself, you may avoid accepting those things because it means the battle is over. Making peace with yourself means you get to enjoy wearing what you want, doing the things you like, and being the most authentic version of you. You can still be comfortable in your own skin and be a work in progress.
12:34 - Be Brave
One of Mazie’s favorite authors is Brene Brown. The bravest thing you can do as a person is to appreciate your progress. The best times of our lives are often the periods of time while we are making the most progress.
14:45 - A Personal Story From Mazie
When Mazie got out of a three year relationship, two things happened. Everyone, including herself, thought she was going to crash and burn. A big part of her identity was being a girlfriend and fiance. A few months out of the relationship, her dad told her that she was brighter, happier, and more herself than before. She realized that women have a tendency to, in order to make others feel better, to tear ourselves down in an effort to help others feel good about themselves.
19:07 - The Best Way to Build Others Up
Loving yourself openly will help others love themselves too. If you lead with love, spread love, and the only person you are with all the time is yourself. Being loving to yourself will rub off on the people around you, and that is a really special gift to give to someone.
20:58 - Elizabeth’s Story
Elizabeth was a troubled kid growing up. She said she hated herself. Her dad used to tell her that the only person she is going to be with her entire life is herself, and if she didn’t learn to love herself, she would never be happy. That message stuck with her her whole life.
23:44 - Mazie’s Hot Tips for Loving Yourself
1. Recognize it’s OK to love yourself and figure out a way to remind yourself of that throughout the day. You can remind yourself by using a mantra, I Am statements, written on your mirror, or an alarm on your phone.
2. There is so much to love about yourself, so keep a self love journal! Write three things you love about your body and three things you love about your mind & personality every day, or every week. This forces you to get intentional about noticing how great you are. Mazie recommends standing in front of the mirror and appreciate all the amazing things that your brain and body can do.
3. Be careful with the opinions you soak in. Mazie recommends being careful about how much you internalize when it comes to what people tell you about yourself - compliments and mean things too. YOUR opinion and thoughts about yourself are the most important, everything else is secondary.
4. If you have a negative thought about yourself, ask yourself these four questions:
-Is this true?
-Are you positive this is true with everything in you?
-If this were not true, who would you be?
-If you were that person, what would your life look like?
You are not allowed to be that person and every day is a fresh, blank page.
41:00 - Loving Yourself Does Not Mean Life is Easy
Learning to love and accept yourself and grow is HARD work. There will still be challenges, there might still be heartbreak. Life is about the person you become, and the life you live, and the people you help. Life is imperfect, we are all imperfect. Embracing imperfection is the only way to live your happiest life.
43:58 - You Can’t Care For Others If You Aren’t Caring for Yourself
Put on your own “oxygen” mask first. Love is not a finite resource. The best way to give love is to grow and cultivate love. And the only way to do this effectively is to love from the inside out. Self love is NOT selfish, because that is how you care for people.
44:54 - Your Challenge
However you are spending Valentine’s, write a love note to yourself. Write out a legitimate letter listing every single positive thing about yourself. Celebrate those things and tell yourself how wonderful you are - because you ARE.
Happy Valentine’s Gals!